Today my heart is shattered, my smile is broken, and my world is less golden without the lil mare that could.
Against all odds a green rider and green horse became. It wasn’t always pretty but it was damn sure the best gift I ever did get blessed with.
Stubborn met stubborn one day and two hearts softened to create a bond I will never forget. My lil Indy you taught me to never quit and to be vulnerable and to trust you even when I didn’t know what the hell I was doing riding a full powered engine that set my world on fire.
I will never forget your strength. You came to me whenever I called and last night was no different. Even through all the pain you felt you made it to me and laid your head into my chest for comfort.
You never changed for me because your strength was all I ever needed in me when the little girl inside me needed to be healed!
I love you baby girl, we made strong friends and had fast rides where sometimes I could barely hold on, but you got me home safe!
Thank you for the best 20 years I could ever have adventuring alone in these woods and with great friends and other great horses.
I asked you one day, “would you go with me“, and I played you a song and it became our rhythm for that I am forever grateful my sweet lil buckskin, my beautiful M.I.S.S.I.N.D.Y
On November 29th my beautiful Indy suffered a painful and acute, rapid experience as the vet diagnosed as strangulating lipoma. She showed no pre-existing issues as I left for a day of hiking with a friend.
Upon coming home, I walked in, checked on my senior yorkie who is 16 years old, blind, def and filled with anxiety. I cleaned him up, had a quick bite to eat and went out to feed the horses.
Walking out from the house to the barn I felt something, then heard a cry. I wont go into much details but as usual whistled to my horses, the boys came and my Indy did not.
I ran upstairs, grabbed a flash light and started my usual whistle call once again. Looked around and my Indy came walking toward me with a ripped, soaked blanket and not herself. As I walked toward her in the dark my heart sank.
She was wet, disoriented and she was filthy, her blanket was hanging off her and soaked. It had not rained for days so this made me concerned. I walked her to the barn, took off the blanket. She was disoriented, sweaty and her head was hanging low. Her stance was wobbly and she kept wanting to pace.
I spoke to hear to calm down, Indy please walk slowly, your ok baby girl as I waited after calling friends for help and advice.
It’s always important to keep good friends close because they will drop everything to come and help. We administered banamine, and …. to get the pain under control. She would pace and then when she finally laid down kept pounding her head down in the ground, what I know now as pain.
We got her up, called the vet, loaded her in the trailer. She had a cooler, blanket and her heart rate was accelerated at the time. Her gums were pale and palpating showed that. I can only think she had been thrashing for a few hours before I got home.
After a 30 minute drive to the veterinary hospital, I opened the trailer to see my Indy was laid down from what we now know that her heart gave out from pain. As the vets came I already new she had passed on the drive to get her help. I was pissed and walking away emotional. When they told me what I had already felt, she had passed I cursed and continued walking away.
I want to share this post in the only way I know how. Describing as much as I can to help other horse lovers if they can see early signs of strangulating lipoma of colic to act immediately. Any abnormal behavior in your horse is so important.
The heartache I am feeling is indescribable. She was my first horse, she had a previous injury at 9 years old that we overcame together after over a year and a half of rehab. Our bond is indescribable, she is the mare of my life.
Our fairy tale is real, but this heartbreak is crushing. I’m probably making zero sense as I write this as its is how I heal from all the pain I’ve felt all my life.
I just hope no other person feels this pain or sees their horse go through this. And to those that have we share somethin worth coming together with to heal.
This experience as all the experiences and losses I’ve felt in life is to focus on the people that are close to you. Not a favorite team, politics, a sport or celebrity…but the people who are close to you that will be there in a moments notice.
Life is to short to focus on the outside world because God gives us gifts that need to be nourished and celebrated even if that gift box is small.
Grief is momentary, joy gets you through and nothing can steal what you hold close. God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, he gives you what you need to give back to Him. So if you’ve lost that pony, person or can’t handle this pain at the moment, your not alone, your amongst good company that help you heal.
The pain your feeling isn’t caused by the lost of a friend, the pain is caused by the mortality that makes you think you cant go on in spite of it.
Life is, life will do this or that. But love will help you thrive, survive and celebrate a loss by saying, whatever you think is gone never left. The memories, the love, the entire process is living, stirring and reinvigorating you if you take the time to let it!
My Indy lives on forever in my heart…and if she touched you I hope this is the same for you!
